Parched Madness
For college basketball fans, there’s no better month of the year than March. Few sporting events bring as much wall-to-wall excitement as the NCAA Tournament, AKA March Madness, and there’s really nothing quite like those first few rounds, especially when there are upsets galore.
One crucial question you’ll need to ask yourself after you’ve plopped down on your couch Thursday afternoon – after ‘How is my March Madness bracket doing?’ and ‘Has Duke lost yet? – is this: What drink will accompany the multi-day basketball marathon you’re about to embark upon?
Of course, if you’re really committed to watching as many games as possible, it’s unlikely you’ll stop after just one – that’s just too much of a time commitment. But what, of all the choices available to you, will be your go-to beverage for when your favorite team tips off?
It’s a tough choice, right? And in reality, we can’t choose for you – only you know what sounds best. But what we can tell you is what we, the staff here at Wier & Bein, would choose if given the chance. Instead of taking a poll – what could be more boring? – we decided to gauge the opinion of our office in the spirit of March Madness: with a 16-drink bracket. Parched Madness, if you will.
The setup of our bracket was pretty simple: four four-drink “regionals” featuring different types of similar alcoholic beverages. Then, each drink in each region was seeded (subjectively and arbitrarily) one to four. For example, our beer regional featured lager as the number one seed, followed by IPA as the two-seed, wheat beer as the three, and stout as the four. Make sense?
Let’s dive into each region and see how the bracket played out.
Sweet 16
Beer
No. 1 Lager vs. No. 4 Stout
No. 2 IPA vs. No. 3 Wheat
Winners: Stout and Wheat
A couple of upsets kicked off our bracket, including the shocking takedown of first-seeded lager. Lager was clearly the Kansas of this bracket, with an excruciating early-round exit to an inferior opponent.
Light Alcohol
No. 1 Vodka vs. No. 4 Silver Tequila
No. 2 Gin vs. No. 3 White Rum
Winners: Silver Tequila and Gin
Another huge upset here with silver tequila taking down vodka; we take a lot of pride in going against the grain here at Wier & Bein, but this is still a huge surprise.
Dark Alcohol
No. 1 Bourbon vs. No. 4 Añejo Tequila
No. 2 Dark Rum vs. No. 3 Scotch
Winners: Bourbon and Dark Rum
Less surprising results here, as bourbon is probably the biggest name in the entire field. They’re basically North Carolina, but less obnoxious, you know? Higher-seeded dark rum also moves to the Elite Eight as well.
Wine
No. 1 Cabernet vs. No. 4 Merlot
No. 2 Chardonnay vs. No. 3 Pinot Grigio
Winners: Cabernet and Chardonnay
Another bracket that went chalk, wine might not be most people’s idea of a game-time drink, but look, we’re a beverage marketing company and we needed a fourth category so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
Elite Eight
Beer
No. 3 Wheat vs. No. 4 Stout
Winner: Stout
Stout’s Cinderella story continues to the Final Four with a takedown of wheat beer. They’re like a dark, heavy version of George Mason.
Light Alcohol
No. 4 Silver Tequila vs. No. 2 Gin
Winner: Silver Tequila
Tequila was clearly under-seeded in this bracket, taking down gin rather easily. Selection committee politics, probably.
Dark Alcohol
No. 1 Bourbon vs. No. 2 Dark Rum
Winner: Bourbon
A battle of heavyweights here, but bourbon once again walks into the Final Four without much of a fight.
Wine
No. 1 Cabernet vs. No. 2 Chardonnay
The wine-lover’s classic debate at play here: red or white? And while it wasn’t an easy choice, cabernet ultimately comes away victorious.
Final Four
No. 4 Stout vs. No. 4 Silver Tequila
Winner: Stout
This was a win-win for those of us who love upsets. Both stout and silver tequila took out loaded fields to advance to the finals but it’s tough to top beer of any kind in this contest.
No. 1 Bourbon vs. No. 1 Cabernet
The exact opposite of a couple lower-seeds, Bourbon’s dominant run continues to the title game.
Championship Game
No. 4 Stout vs. No. 1 Bourbon
Winner: Bourbon
Remember how we just said it would be tough to beat beer of any kind in this competition? Well, that’s still true – unless you’re bourbon. While stout was hoping to cap of a 1985 Villanova-esque run, bourbon slammed the door on that idea pretty quickly with a title game beatdown.
What are you sipping on during March Madness games? If you’ve got a go-to drink (or even better, a lucky one) let us know! Want to learn more about our team while you’re at it? Check out our culture page.
